Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
