if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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