Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
