I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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