This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
