u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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