Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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