booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
