Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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