I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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