Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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