Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
