Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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