i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When are your genitals available?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
