Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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