You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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