Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
