jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
