How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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