he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
