I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
