I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
