I wish I could punch you in the face.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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