There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
