Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
