so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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