how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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