I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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