it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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