Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
