We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
