This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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