I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
