did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
