did you get engaged???
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We're too hungover to prance.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
