So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
