3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
