if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
