Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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