sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
