Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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