and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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