Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
