I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
