What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
