Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The air taste purple.
Randomize
