cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
