A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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