Can i not drive my cunt home
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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