ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
